IMUS PARODY OF REVEREND AL SHARPTON

 

Philip Nobile is the editor of Judgment at the Smithsonian, which printed the banned Smithsonian script on the 50th anniversary of the Bombs of August in 1995.

IMUS: Live from New Jersey, here's our friend, Reverend Al Sharpton.

VOICE IMITATING SHARPTON: Well, I was startin' to believe that the time would never come, but the mountain finally came to Muhammad. Muhammad being being yours truly, the mountain that Adirondack ass Hillary Clinton. After much hemmin', hawin', and waitin' for the perfectly exploitable political moment, the boulder-butt bimbo finally deemed fit to take a meetin' with me on Martin Luther King day. Nothing like taintin' the memory of the patron saint of racial equality by usin' his birthday as an opportunity to appear to African-American voters. Now I have seen some panderin' in my life, but never have I witnessed such a hands-down, ass-up, knee-drop suck job as the one she displayed the other day. (laughter) She said a childhood memory of meetin' Dr. King that had a cringe factor so high it was almost off the chart of the insincerity meter. And I've heard beauty pageant contestants sound more intelligent articulatin' their plans for world peace. (laughter) According to her speech an audience with Dr. King inspired Hillary to dedicate herself to public service. No wonder we had such a hard time getting his birthday named a holiday. He's responsible for this pantload in a pants suit makin' her senate bid. (laughter ) Not only is she exploiting his memory, she's besmirching it. Martin Luther King had a dream. This bitch is a nightmare. (laughter) Now I understand why after her appearance on his show David Letterman had to go in for a quintuple bypass. Between the fat in her ass and the fat in her head, he's lucky all his damn arteries weren't clogged. (laughter) Am I to believe that it was a handshake from MLK that inspired HRC to seek political office?

IMUS: Yes.

VOICE IMITATING SHARPTON: I always assumed it was the BJ that BC got in the Oval Office. But even Monica didn't go down on Bubba the way Hillary went down on the black voter community. Of course, I can't blame the girl seein' as how all those years she's been married to the jerk with the junior jimmy-jammy. It was understandable why she would prefer the black and down [unintelligible].

IMUS: shut up.

VOICE IMITATING SHARPTON: Ultimately, however, Hillary may have done more harm than good for her campaign. Following her appearances in Harlem she met with the family of Amadou Diallo, the unarmed African immigrant killed by four white police officers in the Bronx. Ten minutes into that particular meetin', and the Diallos were ready to campaign for Rudy Guiliani. (laughter) I had all I could do to keep Mr. Diallo from grabbing a plunger and going at the First Lady Abner Louima-style. (laughter) Although if he really wanted to make a dent in her ass, he would have needed something a whole lot bigger than a plumber's helper.

IMUS: I just don't think we need that from Reverend Al Sharpton. Do you?

CHARLES McCORD: We certainly don't.

IMUS: Ugly.

Published: May 09 2000